So I’m trying this thing where I don’t go back on medication and I learn to fight this through sheer will power. I’m not sure if this is possible, but I’m damn well going to try. I am going to re-structure my brain. I am going to stop looking for the lion. I am going to accept uncertainty.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I heard it for the first time when I was in 3rd grade. I was having a particularly stressful conversation with my parents about how the soap at school was causing my hands to break out because of how much I was washing them. My dad said it, almost jokingly, but from then on I had to know more.
The more I learned the more I knew that my father was right. I have OCD. I am OCD. And now, over a decade later I am trying to get it under control without going back on medication. I have created this blog to be a confidant, to be encouragement, to be a sounding board, and maybe to one day to prove that I actually did it.
Let me preface this by saying that I am more O than C in this disorder. I obsess. A lot. The compulsion part for me personally is the need to finish the obsessive thought. I obsess about many things. They usually have a theme, but we’ll get to that.
I don’t fit into the stereotype that the media portrays of OCD, with the cleaning and the counting and the organizing (my room is a mess). That is not to say that those who suffer from those forms of OCD have any less of a hard time than I do, I am just saying you won’t find too much of that here. So even though I do have a few compulsions, and I had many more of them when I was younger, this blog will be more about my the mental routines I go through every day rather than the physical ones.
I am sure there are countless other blogs out there just like mine, so this is nothing new to the world, but its new to me. Here goes…