Relapse

I haven’t posted in so long…

Around Christmas time my OCD (particularly my Relationship OCD) relapsed pretty bad so it has been a struggle.  I am two weeks into therapy again and it is hard but I am fighting to accept that I don’t get to know some things. I’m fighting to accept uncertainty.

Relationship OCD targets the very thing that is most important to me.  I read a study recently which speculated that people with Relationship OCD tend to get a lot of their self worth from their relationships.  Not having a good relationship feels like the worst thing to me so naturally my OCD attacks it.

It makes me question my boyfriend’s love for me, it makes me question my love for him, it makes me question the “rightness” of our relationship.  It targets our most special moments and it breaks my heart.

But at the end of the day I am choosing to trust that it is my OCD and not that we really aren’t right for each other and I am working to accept that I don’t get to know if that is the truth or not.